Sunday, July 29, 2012

Take Me Home

Dad still wants to go home. We tell him he is home, that the farm over by Verona isn't there anymore, nor is his family, but he doesn't believe us. I feel bad that we can't make him happy. Sometimes he seems to recognize us, other times we are just the people who won't take him home.

I took him for a ride the other night, and he confided in me that he was "lonesome" (which is dad-speak for "SAD"), that he doesn't have that farm to go back to, but he's not going to moan about it. He told me that once he finds something to do he'll feel better. He doesn't want to farm or bartend anymore, but he'll find something to do. He told me that he has a good family. I'm not sure that I'm in it though. He calls me Noreen quite often.

He is still obsessed with church, and spends a lot of time at the kitchen table, making up envelopes and doodling. He doodles on money, puzzle pieces, puzzle boxes, pretty much anything. And his donations to the church aren't always money. Sometimes he includes other goodies, like a family photo, a puzzle piece lol, a cookie, and even some pulled pork artfully arranged in a rolled up napkin, and fastened with rubber bands on the ends. Isn't the brain amazing?! I  told him the Catholics did not want his supper leftovers, and he said "What do you know anyway!?" LOLOL   I'm starting to wonder that myself.

He sounds so logical about church. He said he isn't going to be around much longer, and he doesn't want to go to hell, so he has to go to church. He wants me to go with him because he doesn't want me to go to hell either, but I told him I want to go to hell with the rest of my friends.

He also puts sugar in his coffee sometimes, and tonight, when I took him by the church to prove to him that there was no mass going on, he still wanted to try the doors. I told him to go ahead. I mean you have to pass the time some way, right? So off he goes, walking up to the doors, I was watching him from the car, and I saw him going up to the fountain, and I thought oh no, he is not going to! But he did. He stepped up on that fountain, and leaned over to put his hand in the water and made the sign of the cross, and then he stepped right down. The suspense was killing me, is he going to fall in that fountain?!  That is a pretty big step folks. Gosh. I'll try to get a picture of it sometime. Wow.

It was a nice change of pace the other night when he was obsessed with milking instead of church. Much to our amusement, he asked Joe over and over if he was going to milk in the morning. LOLOL. Turns out Dad was never much good at milking. If you see him ask him about it! But only if you have an hour . . . lolol.

He surprises me sometimes, like one day he pretty much did a 300 piece large format jigsaw puzzle by himself. I mean I did the border and the sky, but he did all the rest. Then the next day he couldn't even get one piece in a 100 piece kiddy puzzle. Weird. He stuck them all in the wrong spot.He might "quit" the puzzles and get another job. He asked Mom if he would still get his check if he stopped working on the puzzles. LOL  Mom loves the puzzles, it's nice quiet time for her!

He has trouble at night. He is up and restless. One night I told him Dad, it is OK, you are safe here. We'll watch out for you, you relax and go to sleep. You need some sleep, you are so tired. And he grabbed my hand and squeezed it and shut his eyes and gosh doesn't dementia just suck?

Kay

Midge will show him who is boss. July 26, 2012

Possom Tail continues to heal up. See, he still has a pretty good chunk of tail left. He is a lazy kitty during this heatwave.


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Dementiaville

I do not like Dementiaville. I miss my Dad. This is like a really really bad babysitting job where you can't stand the kid and wonder how the parents put up with such an incredible brat and you can't wait to get home and you will never come back. Except the RLB (ROTTEN LITTLE BASTARD) is wearing your Dad's face. And you are not getting paid. It's like mourning someone who is gone, but you see them in front of you. It's exhausting.

What a depressing year.

Sometimes he is cute and sweet, asking questions about how life is here at this new place. Thanking you for the answers (where do I sleep; who sleeps with me; what time do I get up: do I have chores; do I have to milk? do you milk? where are the little kids?) Cooperative. He wants to go home today. Not only back to the USA, but back to the farm over by Verona.

He is at church now. Who would think church could be so annoying? I don't really want anybody to answer that, thank you. Constant talk and worry about mass and insisting on going to church at times when there is no mass, and worrying about his envelope and asking for money for it. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but it goes on for hours and hours and hours and when you are tired and worried and sad, it's a lot. Mom and Joe went to church with him. THAT is a miracle. LOL

Now that I have written this down I feel somewhat better. It's kind of like when you are in the car, and listening to the Carpenters, and have the blues. Well you can only listen to the Carpenters for so long until you pop in some Dr. Hook. Dr. Hook time now. Thanks for listening.

Kay 






Sunday, July 15, 2012

Sunday

I took Dad to the Thursday night concert at the courthouse this week, he loved it, and then last night I had John drop us down on Liberty Street and I wheeled Dad right down Liberty Street for Cruise Night! I never could have gotten him down there before! His dementia has set him free, letting him leave the house at night! LOL John was home for his birthday celebration, 46 years old! Wow. LOL Dad likes the wheelchair rides, except for he misses Mom. He always wants to get home to talk to her and see her.

Dad worried about church all week, and Mom took him this a.m., he is much more steady on his legs now. But he can't remember that he went and the endless worrying about his donation envelope has started again. He wants to go home. He says home is the farm over by Verona. Yesterday he asked us when we were going back to the United States. Then he wanted us to drop him off in Coal City, because he has family there. I think his time frame is back when he was in the service, but there is no way to know for sure. The main thing is he wants to get his business done here, and get home! It hasn't been all doom and gloom, don't get me wrong. We had some good laughs and family time yesterday, such as it is now. He is still saying he is new to things, and he'll get on to them. Things like living in town, and going to church.

I'm either bustling around, obsessing over some useless cleaning chore or fussing over some minute detail for dad's comfort, driving the rest of the family crazy, or on the verge of tears. I'm new to this, but I'll get on to it. As soon as I get back into the good old U.S.A.

Kay :)


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

July 10, 2012


Garden is doing well even though rain is very scarce.

Midge loves to hide in the tomato bed. Sixteen tomato plants, a horseradish root, a Jerusalem artichoke, and some taters in a 4 x 4 raised bed, she is really hard to spot in there.






Dad: Are you Noreen?
Kay: No, I am your daughter, Kay
Dad: Is Joan here too?
Kay: No, she is probably at home in Coal City with Uncle George.
Dad: I’m going to see my mother tomorrow.
Kay: In heaven?
Dad: No, on the farm in Kinsman!
Kay: I can take you if you want.


Noreen and Joan are two of Dad’s sisters. Noreen (Red) passed away, she was a little fiery redheaded firecracker. It’s nice Dad is thinking about his sisters. I wonder if people who have passed before him are talking to him? I hope they know his hearing is shot! It would be hard to resist Aunt Noreen. He says there is a little boy around sometimes too. He calls him “That Boy”. That Boy apparently put some pieces in Dad’s jigsaw puzzle and will fix the flowers in the yard the way Dad likes them.


So far I have harvested a nice zucchini and 4 cherry tomatoes. This weird weather had my sunflowers looking pretty scruffy already. Then the goldfinch picked off  almost all the petals, so I cleaned most of them out, and I have my fingers crossed that my seeds will come so Midge can have her zinnia bed back again. I miss those zinnias. They looked nice all last summer.


Yum, grilled zucchini.

The former sunflower bed, hopefully soon to be a zinnia bed for Midge. She's pretty pissed I took out her sunflowers, she used to hide in there and leap at the gold finch.


Dad kind of alternates between sleepy-time, hyper-time, worry/confusion-time and sassy/contrary-time. Mom likened him to Dennis the Menace. He still goes in to work his jigsaw puzzle, and reads the newspaper in the morning, though I notice he has turned into a speed reader. He is eating well, though I don’t think he likes his prunes lol. I say screw the cardiac diet when you are 92! But I say yes to prunes. For him. Not for me. I don’t think he cut the Jumble out today, but he got a couple of words since he got home. He still checks the TV listings for a baseball game. He has not mentioned church today . . . yet.  He does not use his walker (though he sometimes will carry it when you tell him to use it lol). He tasted his second cup of coffee this a.m. and told me that he usually uses a couple of spoonfuls of sugar, but I’ve never known him to drink anything but black coffee. He does not like Mom to be out of his sight. I pushed him in the wheelchair last night, it was lovely out, a passing storm had cooled things off nicely (well OK, he got a little wet lol, I didn’t think we’d get even a sprinkle out of that cloud), but he wanted to get home to Mother. He wanted to see her and talk to her. I think he needs to feel safe, and it is easier to feel safe at home with mom instead of out in the bumpy world with me, because he “is not sure about me” lol. I am the only one he calls different names. So far. Or maybe I am the only one who talks about it. Though I guess writing and talking are very different. Sometimes I can barely talk now. I’m learning a lot. Mar knows a lot from her folks. He gets 6 weeks of home health care after his hospitalization, all for free, and he had a CNA come in today and he had a bath, he has physical therapy on Thursday, and a nurse came to check his vitals and do the test for his coumadin. They all marvel at his medical history, or I guess I should say the lack thereof. My mom was giving his history for a health assessment and they were talking about any broken bones and the nurse asked about falling. We looked at each other, and I wasn’t sure if the story about Dad falling off the picnic table bench whilst spying on the girls next door was supposed to stay just in the family, but then I remembered I blogged about it, so what the heck, we told her and she cracked up. Gosh that was only a couple of months ago. How things have changed in that short time.


Took Midge and Finn to the vet for their shots Saturday. Finn weighs over 15#, and little Midge over 11#. The vet said they are “sturdy” animals, which is funny because that is the word I use to describe myself. I think Finn was maybe acting a little weird because of The Triffids.
Triffids.
Finn keeps his distance. He doesn't want to be in the sequel.


He is back to himself now. Dr. Dave said it might take til Christmas time for his tail hair to grow back. I don’t care if you think Possum Tail, but please, don’t say it to his face!


Uncle Jim called Sunday and spoke to Mom first. We hadn’t heard from him for a while, turns out health problems for the next oldest sibling too (he is 91). Mom filled him in on Dad, then handed the phone to Dad, who told his brother that he is “getting over a big operation” lol. When Mom told Uncle Jim of Dad’s uncooperative antics in the hospital Uncle Jim said that “Bernard has always been stubborn.” Amen to that! LOL


Dad keeps saying that he is new around here, but he’ll get the hang of it. LOL He got an envelope in the mail from from church asking for a suggested donation of $75, and he said that that is a lot to ask of a new member! I hope I get the hang of this business soon too. Worried about Mom getting over-tired and gosh she is 25 years older than me and I’m exhausted already and feeling guiltily thankful that I have a job and don’t have to be there all the time. 




Kay :)




Saturday, July 7, 2012

Losing My Dad

Dad: Make sure I’m dead before you bury me. Stick me with a knife.
Kay: Well, OK. I guess. So if you jump or yell you are maybe not dead?
Dad: Will you be buried with me?
Kay: No, I want to be cremated.
Dad: Well that is just dumb.
Dad to Mom: Make sure I’m dead before you bury me. I’m worried about that. Tell Joe to check too.
Mom: What about Kay?
Dad: You or Joe check.
LOL

All morning Dad talked about church, all morning. Wanted to go to church on Saturday morning, even though there is no mass. Mar had a good idea when I borrowed her family walker yesterday, she had me take her dad’s transport chair. I put Dad in the wheelchair and walked him over to the church, figuring that it would be a good outing, fresh air for him, and he could see there was no mass going on. Plus we best get out early because it’s going to be hotter than blazes later. Grabbed his rosary and a bottle of ice water and my cell phone, just in case of calamity, and off we go. I told him we could go in prayer garden and pray for serenity. Why did he laugh? We get to the church, no cars, no mass, he is disgruntled. Dad: “If there is no mass why are were here? I want to go home.” Damn, where is the rosary? He must have dropped it on one of those bumps I hit (oops, my first time pushing a wheelchair lol) We backtrack, find rosary by prayer garden. Took him home, planted him in the chaise on back patio, put the fan on him, and he had a great nap.

Dad: What time is church tomorrow.
Kay: You can’t go to church tomorrow. You just got out of the hospital. You’ve got weak legs. After you see Dr. Cumba on Friday, if he says its OK, you can go next week.
Dad: Where are my envelopes for church?
Kay: What does it matter, you aren’t going anyway.
Dad: Why not?
Kay: You just got out of the hospital.
Dad: Huh?
Kay: You were in the hospital. You are under the weather. Once you get your strength back you can go to church.
Dad: What time is church tomorrow?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It hasn’t been 24 hours since he has been home yet. Seems longer. Is it really only 1:00 in the afternoon? 

 



Thursday, July 5, 2012

Rambles . . .



At the hospital yesterday, Dad was insisting that he was going to go outside. Every once in a while he seemed to realize that he was in the hospital, but mostly he thought he was home. Sometimes even his boyhood home. I asked him why he wanted to go outside and he said he was going outside by the barn to play ball with Jim and the boys. Jim is his brother (91) and I assume the other boys are his brothers, Pat and Eddie (taken too soon). Nice memories.  You know the kind of patient voice that you use with people who are really really old or infirm or just plain crazy? Dammit, he used that on me a couple of times! It is also no wonder that I have also been pegged as a smart ass! Genetics, go figure.  I’ve never been a big fan of talking to (or listening to people talk to) old people like they are 5 years old, it annoys the hell out of me, so I just don’t do that. I am what I am. Like it or lump it.

It is freakish how strong he is at 92. I was trying to keep him from getting too far away from his IV pole so he wouldn’t pull his IV out (again!), and yowza! I’m pretty strong, but hell, so is he. I decided that it is time to start regaining some of the strength I lost whilst laying around on my arse after those surgeries. Not so I can manhandle dad, but so I can be of help when I can. Or just defend myself. He was bound and determined to leave the hospital yesterday, and we couldn’t do anything with him, so after a while we went home.  About 9:00 we got a call from the hospital (OH SHIT!), and it was one of Dad’s nurse’s (whom he had kind of flirted with earlier! I doubt she thinks he is so cute anymore given his antics), who told me that he had not really fallen out of it, but had somehow climbed out of this chair with a tray on it (I guess it is some sort of restraint/safety device? I’m not sure. They didn’t use it on me during my hospitalizations, that’s all I know for sure!), and they had parked him down by the nurse’s station, and she had no idea how he had accomplished it (did dad come up with an original move, in this Olympic year!? I’m thinking bonus points!), but then CRASH he went down and pulled his IV pole down on him. I suppose my first thought should have been “Oh my God is he OK?”, but what came out of my mouth was “Damn! Can’t you sedate him?!”  In my own defense I was very tired and somewhat stressed, and had  had a slug of Malibu Rum in my Crystal Light. Plus I thought he was just plain exhausted when I saw him earlier in day. She said he wasn’t hurt but he might get a bump on his head from his IV pole. I commented that he deserved a bump if he didn’t already have one, and asked if someone needed to come over there (please say no!), and she said she didn’t think so, because Dad was going to have someone with him one-on-one for the rest of the night!  LOL Poor aide(s).  
All I know today is that he did get some sedation last night, and I really hope he got some rest. He really needed it. He is going to have an echocardiogram today, he couldn’t have an MRI because of his pacemaker. And we are laying bets on how early and quickly he’ll get discharged! LOL

Hoping for the best but gearing up for some not so fun times.

By the way, I do not mean to condone alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with stressful life events (Malibu Rum, yummers). We all know that is what FOOD is for!

Kay

P.S. I saw Dad at noon. He is not as cantankerous today, but he is still out of it. I asked him if he knew where he was, and he named some farm he used to work over by Kinsman when he was young. Nurse said he did sleep last night, though only after they gave him medicine to calm him down. He was eating his lunch, and I thought he was doing pretty good on it, until I learned Mom was helping him out. LOL I saw my cousin Jeff, who works security at the hospital, and he told me he saw dad in the “Bad Boy Chair” (yikes) at the nurse’s station last night, and that in his 5 years at the hospital he has never heard of anyone getting out of that chair the way my 92 year old Dad did last night. ARGHHHHHHHH He is still having some tests done and his doctor wants him to spend another night in the hospital. The doc said to Mom that he didn’t realize Dad’s dementia had gotten that bad. Mom said that’s because it wasn’t, this downslide is very recent. All jokes aside, worrisome stuff going on.

P.P.S. I just saw Dad, helped him with his supper (spaghetti and meatballs). He ate a good meal. Is still confused, but not cantankerous, whew. He is tentatively scheduled for discharge tomorrow.










Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Independence Day

Hi Folk,

Catching up . . .

Glamping was fun, it went fast. We had a speciable time. I think Runt stared defiantly at the Amish (shhh I won't tell Nancee!---old, old stuff blog readers, you'll probably never get it!). It's amazing how fast a pontoon boat can get away from a 50 year-old out of shape glamper in rough water. And gosh, said glamper can sure put away the beer! And make yummy homemade Bailey's (Irish? probably not) Cream. And how funny that the nice clerk at the Casey's store on the way down to glamping, who kindly took our picture last year, was lucky enough to be on shift again this year! What a nice lady.


My Finn is doing well in the tail area, but I think his head is a little wacky. He wouldn't come near me, was afraid to come home, was acting very oddly. John suggested post traumatic stress disorder from the amputation. Ha ha. I finally caught him one day, and he was skittish as hell, and I noticed he had like a bald spot on his head by his ear, some sort of abrasion. I don't know what happened, but I think whatever it was caused some discombobulation. He is seemingly back to normal now, he is no longer terrified of me, which is good, because I have to haul him to the vet Saturday for shots, more trauma. Midge is her weird old self, staying outside for hours in the unbearable heat. She gets riled when I bring her in, but I do it anyway. She stays a minute and boom, is gone.

My Dad went to hospital last night. He was confused and wobbly and his speech was garbled. He scared me. He is still in hospital today. Doesn't look like they can find anything they can fix, he is just old. I pray for patience and grace in dealing with him and that I will not be a big crybaby wuss. Sad and scared. I know what happens, it has happened to too many of my friends already.

Heading to hospital now. Happy 4th of July.

Kay