Search for "Mallaney" and colostomy . . . how many can there be?

At the reunion today I told my cousins I'd post a few pics on my blog. I told them to do a search for "Mallaney" and "colostomy", how many blogs will come up? LOL  I guess I can check it out myself.

Cousins Sally and Tracy brought this pretty (and delicious!) cake.

Dad with his brother, Uncle Jim, and Aunt Joan. Cousin Peggy in background.

Uncle George and Dad's Cousin Robert Ragan,my Godfather.

Dad with cousins Robert Ragan and Mary Prindiville.

Mom and Dad.

Uncle Jim, Dad, Aunt Jean, Aunt Kay (my Godmother), and Aunt Joan

Aunt Joan and Aunt Jean, Cousin Sherri in background.

Time to head home!

We had fantastic weather today for the Mallaney Family Reunion today, the 50th, over at the Coal City Area Club. A nice turnout though we certainly missed the absentees, especially Aunt Shirley, and lots of busy cousins. Wonderful food, good talk and laughs.

Dad started on Ambien this week. Not sure about that stuff. Dad has had a couple of good nights in a row, where he actually spent time in bed and got some sleep. Mom got caught up on her rest a little. We had him up to the Veteran's Clinic this week, they are changing up some of his meds and he will be seeing a neurologist up at Hines VA Hospital on September 5th.

When we were leaving the VA clinic, and it was a long appointment, Dad was there for a couple of hours, Dad asked the nurse "Do I have to clock out?". I bet that long appointment did seem like work to him. The other night he had ants in his pants and was talking about church. I assured him there was no mass on that day at that time, and told him that Dr. Cumba wanted him to exercise, and he should go do a couple of laps around the yard. He said that he wasn't going to do that, and started this fakey BS about having a sore leg, and I said no malarkey, GET MOVING! He looked at me and said "Gosh Kay, I thought we were buddies!", and off he went. I took him with me to pick up the chicken for the reunion, and he asked me, "Is Mother taking her bathing suit to the reunion?" LOL You gotta laugh. We have been enjoying evening rides and Dad likes to go down to the river to look at the boats. And Mom gets a break from him! He still doesn't like to be too far from her for too long.

I'm getting more used to the new normal. I'm not liking it that much, but I'm getting used to it!

Kay :)

Is Dementia Contagious?

I cooked today. Chicken fried rice. Mom always says that I use an incredible number of ingredients when I cook.

1. Olive Oil
2. Butter
3. Onion
4. Garlic
5. Basmati Rice
6. Bacon
7. Eggs
8. Baby Bellas
9. Red, Yellow, Orange and Green Bell Pepper
10. Onion
11. Cashews
12. Trader Joe's General Tsao Stir Fry Sauce (yummers)
13. Chicken

Hmm. She may be right. The rice was delicious.

The Mallaney Family Reunion is next Saturday. I'm wondering if I should send out a warning e-mail to the cousins, in case Dad hits on one of them? I'm mulling that over. And I'm taking extra beer.

I guess in my prior post I shouldn't have said that church is annoying, I guess it is the dementia that is annoying. I guess. If going to mass would shut Dad up and satisfy him I'd take him to every mass I could (or find someone to do that! lol), but most of the time he can't even remember being at mass 10 minutes after he gets home. I guess he tried to walk to mass today. Now there is an alarm on the door. The back gates are chained so he can't get out back there unless he goes over. Problem is when you lock someone with dementia in, you lock yourself in too.

I kind of think of my father now as two different people. Is he "Dad" or "Bernie"? Bernie is kind of a stranger, he is Dad before I knew him. Honestly, sometimes I can't believe Mom married him! Dad is still in there sometimes. He kind of comes and goes. Or maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part. I'm too tired to think about that right now.

I did a blog search for "Dementia Dad" and came across a caregiver's blog about caring for her dad. Her dad was doing the same things as mine, wanting to go home, alternately cute/ornery, etc. She doesn't know how much longer she can do it. I feel for her.

I thought to myself that poor Mom looks so old and tired today, and shit, I kind of glanced up while I was bent over the sink, brushing my teeth (not a good look for Kay Kay!), so do I! And I forgot about the fat part! Eating doesn't really help with dementia I guess. And I have a big old swollen gland, sore as heck. Grrrrr. When it rains it pours I guess. Life's a pisser sometimes for sure.

At least we are getting a break from the heat, might get down into the 50's tonight! Nice sleeping weather, I hope!

Kay

Take Me Home

Dad still wants to go home. We tell him he is home, that the farm over by Verona isn't there anymore, nor is his family, but he doesn't believe us. I feel bad that we can't make him happy. Sometimes he seems to recognize us, other times we are just the people who won't take him home.

I took him for a ride the other night, and he confided in me that he was "lonesome" (which is dad-speak for "SAD"), that he doesn't have that farm to go back to, but he's not going to moan about it. He told me that once he finds something to do he'll feel better. He doesn't want to farm or bartend anymore, but he'll find something to do. He told me that he has a good family. I'm not sure that I'm in it though. He calls me Noreen quite often.

He is still obsessed with church, and spends a lot of time at the kitchen table, making up envelopes and doodling. He doodles on money, puzzle pieces, puzzle boxes, pretty much anything. And his donations to the church aren't always money. Sometimes he includes other goodies, like a family photo, a puzzle piece lol, a cookie, and even some pulled pork artfully arranged in a rolled up napkin, and fastened with rubber bands on the ends. Isn't the brain amazing?! I  told him the Catholics did not want his supper leftovers, and he said "What do you know anyway!?" LOLOL   I'm starting to wonder that myself.

He sounds so logical about church. He said he isn't going to be around much longer, and he doesn't want to go to hell, so he has to go to church. He wants me to go with him because he doesn't want me to go to hell either, but I told him I want to go to hell with the rest of my friends.

He also puts sugar in his coffee sometimes, and tonight, when I took him by the church to prove to him that there was no mass going on, he still wanted to try the doors. I told him to go ahead. I mean you have to pass the time some way, right? So off he goes, walking up to the doors, I was watching him from the car, and I saw him going up to the fountain, and I thought oh no, he is not going to! But he did. He stepped up on that fountain, and leaned over to put his hand in the water and made the sign of the cross, and then he stepped right down. The suspense was killing me, is he going to fall in that fountain?!  That is a pretty big step folks. Gosh. I'll try to get a picture of it sometime. Wow.

It was a nice change of pace the other night when he was obsessed with milking instead of church. Much to our amusement, he asked Joe over and over if he was going to milk in the morning. LOLOL. Turns out Dad was never much good at milking. If you see him ask him about it! But only if you have an hour . . . lolol.

He surprises me sometimes, like one day he pretty much did a 300 piece large format jigsaw puzzle by himself. I mean I did the border and the sky, but he did all the rest. Then the next day he couldn't even get one piece in a 100 piece kiddy puzzle. Weird. He stuck them all in the wrong spot.He might "quit" the puzzles and get another job. He asked Mom if he would still get his check if he stopped working on the puzzles. LOL  Mom loves the puzzles, it's nice quiet time for her!

He has trouble at night. He is up and restless. One night I told him Dad, it is OK, you are safe here. We'll watch out for you, you relax and go to sleep. You need some sleep, you are so tired. And he grabbed my hand and squeezed it and shut his eyes and gosh doesn't dementia just suck?

Kay

Midge will show him who is boss. July 26, 2012

Possom Tail continues to heal up. See, he still has a pretty good chunk of tail left. He is a lazy kitty during this heatwave.

Dementiaville

I do not like Dementiaville. I miss my Dad. This is like a really really bad babysitting job where you can't stand the kid and wonder how the parents put up with such an incredible brat and you can't wait to get home and you will never come back. Except the RLB (ROTTEN LITTLE BASTARD) is wearing your Dad's face. And you are not getting paid. It's like mourning someone who is gone, but you see them in front of you. It's exhausting.

What a depressing year.

Sometimes he is cute and sweet, asking questions about how life is here at this new place. Thanking you for the answers (where do I sleep; who sleeps with me; what time do I get up: do I have chores; do I have to milk? do you milk? where are the little kids?) Cooperative. He wants to go home today. Not only back to the USA, but back to the farm over by Verona.

He is at church now. Who would think church could be so annoying? I don't really want anybody to answer that, thank you. Constant talk and worry about mass and insisting on going to church at times when there is no mass, and worrying about his envelope and asking for money for it. I know it doesn't sound that bad, but it goes on for hours and hours and hours and when you are tired and worried and sad, it's a lot. Mom and Joe went to church with him. THAT is a miracle. LOL

Now that I have written this down I feel somewhat better. It's kind of like when you are in the car, and listening to the Carpenters, and have the blues. Well you can only listen to the Carpenters for so long until you pop in some Dr. Hook. Dr. Hook time now. Thanks for listening.

Kay 

Sunday

I took Dad to the Thursday night concert at the courthouse this week, he loved it, and then last night I had John drop us down on Liberty Street and I wheeled Dad right down Liberty Street for Cruise Night! I never could have gotten him down there before! His dementia has set him free, letting him leave the house at night! LOL John was home for his birthday celebration, 46 years old! Wow. LOL Dad likes the wheelchair rides, except for he misses Mom. He always wants to get home to talk to her and see her.

Dad worried about church all week, and Mom took him this a.m., he is much more steady on his legs now. But he can't remember that he went and the endless worrying about his donation envelope has started again. He wants to go home. He says home is the farm over by Verona. Yesterday he asked us when we were going back to the United States. Then he wanted us to drop him off in Coal City, because he has family there. I think his time frame is back when he was in the service, but there is no way to know for sure. The main thing is he wants to get his business done here, and get home! It hasn't been all doom and gloom, don't get me wrong. We had some good laughs and family time yesterday, such as it is now. He is still saying he is new to things, and he'll get on to them. Things like living in town, and going to church.

I'm either bustling around, obsessing over some useless cleaning chore or fussing over some minute detail for dad's comfort, driving the rest of the family crazy, or on the verge of tears. I'm new to this, but I'll get on to it. As soon as I get back into the good old U.S.A.

Kay :)

July 10, 2012

Garden is doing well even though rain is very scarce.

Midge loves to hide in the tomato bed. Sixteen tomato plants, a horseradish root, a Jerusalem artichoke, and some taters in a 4 x 4 raised bed, she is really hard to spot in there.

Dad: Are you Noreen?
Kay: No, I am your daughter, Kay
Dad: Is Joan here too?
Kay: No, she is probably at home in Coal City with Uncle George.
Dad: I’m going to see my mother tomorrow.
Kay: In heaven?
Dad: No, on the farm in Kinsman!
Kay: I can take you if you want.


Noreen and Joan are two of Dad’s sisters. Noreen (Red) passed away, she was a little fiery redheaded firecracker. It’s nice Dad is thinking about his sisters. I wonder if people who have passed before him are talking to him? I hope they know his hearing is shot! It would be hard to resist Aunt Noreen. He says there is a little boy around sometimes too. He calls him “That Boy”. That Boy apparently put some pieces in Dad’s jigsaw puzzle and will fix the flowers in the yard the way Dad likes them.


So far I have harvested a nice zucchini and 4 cherry tomatoes. This weird weather had my sunflowers looking pretty scruffy already. Then the goldfinch picked off  almost all the petals, so I cleaned most of them out, and I have my fingers crossed that my seeds will come so Midge can have her zinnia bed back again. I miss those zinnias. They looked nice all last summer.

Yum, grilled zucchini.

The former sunflower bed, hopefully soon to be a zinnia bed for Midge. She's pretty pissed I took out her sunflowers, she used to hide in there and leap at the gold finch.

Dad kind of alternates between sleepy-time, hyper-time, worry/confusion-time and sassy/contrary-time. Mom likened him to Dennis the Menace. He still goes in to work his jigsaw puzzle, and reads the newspaper in the morning, though I notice he has turned into a speed reader. He is eating well, though I don’t think he likes his prunes lol. I say screw the cardiac diet when you are 92! But I say yes to prunes. For him. Not for me. I don’t think he cut the Jumble out today, but he got a couple of words since he got home. He still checks the TV listings for a baseball game. He has not mentioned church today . . . yet.  He does not use his walker (though he sometimes will carry it when you tell him to use it lol). He tasted his second cup of coffee this a.m. and told me that he usually uses a couple of spoonfuls of sugar, but I’ve never known him to drink anything but black coffee. He does not like Mom to be out of his sight. I pushed him in the wheelchair last night, it was lovely out, a passing storm had cooled things off nicely (well OK, he got a little wet lol, I didn’t think we’d get even a sprinkle out of that cloud), but he wanted to get home to Mother. He wanted to see her and talk to her. I think he needs to feel safe, and it is easier to feel safe at home with mom instead of out in the bumpy world with me, because he “is not sure about me” lol. I am the only one he calls different names. So far. Or maybe I am the only one who talks about it. Though I guess writing and talking are very different. Sometimes I can barely talk now. I’m learning a lot. Mar knows a lot from her folks. He gets 6 weeks of home health care after his hospitalization, all for free, and he had a CNA come in today and he had a bath, he has physical therapy on Thursday, and a nurse came to check his vitals and do the test for his coumadin. They all marvel at his medical history, or I guess I should say the lack thereof. My mom was giving his history for a health assessment and they were talking about any broken bones and the nurse asked about falling. We looked at each other, and I wasn’t sure if the story about Dad falling off the picnic table bench whilst spying on the girls next door was supposed to stay just in the family, but then I remembered I blogged about it, so what the heck, we told her and she cracked up. Gosh that was only a couple of months ago. How things have changed in that short time.


Took Midge and Finn to the vet for their shots Saturday. Finn weighs over 15#, and little Midge over 11#. The vet said they are “sturdy” animals, which is funny because that is the word I use to describe myself. I think Finn was maybe acting a little weird because of The Triffids.

Triffids.

Finn keeps his distance. He doesn't want to be in the sequel.

He is back to himself now. Dr. Dave said it might take til Christmas time for his tail hair to grow back. I don’t care if you think Possum Tail, but please, don’t say it to his face!


Uncle Jim called Sunday and spoke to Mom first. We hadn’t heard from him for a while, turns out health problems for the next oldest sibling too (he is 91). Mom filled him in on Dad, then handed the phone to Dad, who told his brother that he is “getting over a big operation” lol. When Mom told Uncle Jim of Dad’s uncooperative antics in the hospital Uncle Jim said that “Bernard has always been stubborn.” Amen to that! LOL


Dad keeps saying that he is new around here, but he’ll get the hang of it. LOL He got an envelope in the mail from from church asking for a suggested donation of $75, and he said that that is a lot to ask of a new member! I hope I get the hang of this business soon too. Worried about Mom getting over-tired and gosh she is 25 years older than me and I’m exhausted already and feeling guiltily thankful that I have a job and don’t have to be there all the time. 




Kay :)

Losing My Dad

Dad: Make sure I’m dead before you bury me. Stick me with a knife.
Kay: Well, OK. I guess. So if you jump or yell you are maybe not dead?
Dad: Will you be buried with me?
Kay: No, I want to be cremated.
Dad: Well that is just dumb.
Dad to Mom: Make sure I’m dead before you bury me. I’m worried about that. Tell Joe to check too.
Mom: What about Kay?
Dad: You or Joe check.
LOL

All morning Dad talked about church, all morning. Wanted to go to church on Saturday morning, even though there is no mass. Mar had a good idea when I borrowed her family walker yesterday, she had me take her dad’s transport chair. I put Dad in the wheelchair and walked him over to the church, figuring that it would be a good outing, fresh air for him, and he could see there was no mass going on. Plus we best get out early because it’s going to be hotter than blazes later. Grabbed his rosary and a bottle of ice water and my cell phone, just in case of calamity, and off we go. I told him we could go in prayer garden and pray for serenity. Why did he laugh? We get to the church, no cars, no mass, he is disgruntled. Dad: “If there is no mass why are were here? I want to go home.” Damn, where is the rosary? He must have dropped it on one of those bumps I hit (oops, my first time pushing a wheelchair lol) We backtrack, find rosary by prayer garden. Took him home, planted him in the chaise on back patio, put the fan on him, and he had a great nap.

Dad: What time is church tomorrow.
Kay: You can’t go to church tomorrow. You just got out of the hospital. You’ve got weak legs. After you see Dr. Cumba on Friday, if he says its OK, you can go next week.
Dad: Where are my envelopes for church?
Kay: What does it matter, you aren’t going anyway.
Dad: Why not?
Kay: You just got out of the hospital.
Dad: Huh?
Kay: You were in the hospital. You are under the weather. Once you get your strength back you can go to church.
Dad: What time is church tomorrow?
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It hasn’t been 24 hours since he has been home yet. Seems longer. Is it really only 1:00 in the afternoon?