Confessions of a Former Redhead

It started out sort of strawberry blonde, and got redder and redder . . . until it stopped!

John informed me a while back that my hair wasn't red any more. Like I didn't already know that on some level.

Well, the other day Mar told me the same thing. When your friend of nearly 40 years (wow!) tells you something like that, it is true. Mar, with much thought: "You know . . . there is no red left in your hair." Like I didn't already know that on some level. I used to have a tortoiseshell cat, Eleanor (aka Nelly Belly), and when you brushed her the wad of hair left on the brush was this weird sort of non-color, sort of indescribable, a little bit of everything. That is how my hair is now. Will tortoiseshell even fit on your driver's license? I guess I'll have to go with brown. Or brownish-gray. I'm not sure that will fit on a driver's license either. Nothing against brown hair . . . but after you have had pretty red hair, it is kind of boring. I have two boxes of hair color here, but I'm not ready . . . yet. Between my hair color being incorrect, and my weight being way off (WAY!) on my driver's license, who am I?

With all the stuff going on with Dad, I forgot my annual "woo hoo for colostomy reversals" on January 24th. Belated WOO HOO.  After the reversal I had a colonoscopy and the doc said, due to one weeeee tiny polyp that I should have another one in 3 years, and it is here already! I already set it up, not dawdling about, went for other annual things that needed to be checked out, and everything is just fine, I say when you are going to meet your deductible, MEET YOUR DEDUCTIBLE, and meet it in one month lol! But what are the odds that someone would have a doctor's appointment . . .  I mean 364 days out of the year a girl gets her underwear on right side out . . . the one day she doesn't  . . well . . . never mind.

Still doesn't seem real that Dad is gone. Even Mom said that. Mom, who has hermit-like tendencies, has barely been out of the house. She hates the cold. She doesn't mind not going out much, she gets to the library for her books and stuff, and some of Dad's estate stuff has gotten her out.  But Tuesday I have the day off and we are going up to the Social Security office for an appointment. And then we plan on going to visit Aunt Kay. Big outing for mother. Will be good for her. 

I'll be glad for a warm up in the weather. I'm tired of this cold. And the cats are driving me bonkers. Seed catalogs are rolling in, and spring is on the way.

Kay :)

Missing Pieces and Dollar Bills

Dad loved puzzles. I wanted to put this pic on the photo board at the funeral, but I couldn't find it. I remembered tonight that I had put on a calendar I gave Dad for a gift a few years back. This pic is a favorite of mine. Look how wee Finnegan is in the puzzle box! LOL  If a puzzle was missing a piece Dad would look and look and look for it, and make comments about the missing piece maybe being in another puzzle box, or he could make a replacement piece, or it might turn up  . . . better leave the puzzle up for a while, don't hurry to take it down. He was ever optimistic! See how he is leaning on the puzzle? In warmer weather the pieces would stick to his arms and he'd carry them everywhere! Not just around the house either, I even found one in the driveway one time. Dad found them in his bed, up his sleeves, in his pockets, in his car! LOL  And often in or around his chair in the living room.

Well, yesterday Mom made a lasagna and John came home for dinner. I was sitting in Dad's recliner, and it has seen better days (the chair is a hand-me-down from John! lol), and the footrest was askew, so I tilted the recliner on its back to see if I could finagle the footrest back in. John was watching and he said, laughing (and rather bepuzzled), "Look! Money and a puzzle piece!"

Dad never carried a wallet. He'd always reach into his pocket and pull out a wad of bills folded just like this.

I took this photo on my new used vintage TV tray from an estate sale. Bernie would have loved it too, he would have thought it quite pretty, as do I. We love all things flowered.

Looking forward to a short week. Thursday is a court holiday, as is next Monday, so I went ahead and took Friday off and will have a nice long weekend.

Kay :)

Snow!

Heap big snow! Big winds coming later too.  Bernie would be "scairt" by this weather! It's nice to think that he has no worries now. Since the dementia onset, every single night was his first night in town! How disconcerting that would be, for anyone. I'm thinking that the night of January 10th was the best first night ever for Dad! Aunt Joan's family said that when she was near passing they heard her say "Mama". That is so comforting to me, I'm glad they shared that, because for the last couple of years Dad has longed for his mother. He spoke all the time of how good she was and how much he missed her.

We all miss him. It's funny when it pops into your head. I get chilly and stand over the heater at work, and see a barge on the river, and whenever I see a cardinal, and I've been seeing a lot of them lately! They seem to come out of nowhere. Or I'll be at the store and see something and think to myself that Dad would enjoy that. I'll never get that feeling that someone is looking at me again, and look out the window to see Mom and Dad going by, stopped by my side window, with Dad looking for a wave! Smile and wave at the old people, you might make their day! Teach your kids to do it too. Nothing tickled Dad more than getting "a wave" at the bar, and gosh, once in a while, if we caught the red light, one of his buddies would rush to the door and yell "Hey Bernie!" That always made Dad's day, what a hoot it was. He would have the biggest smile.

Mom and Dad, from my window at work. I'd feel eyes on me, get up pronto, go to the other window, pull back mini blind and wave like crazy! Dad would be peering and looking, and he'd see me, and smile, and wave harder. Sweetness. And gosh what did other people who saw me doing that think! LOLOL

I know what to do in a winter storm, soon (1 hour and 45 minutes) to be a blizzard! Which came first, the chicken tortellini soup, or the cookie?

The cookie of course!

Kay :)

Aunt Joan

Incredibly Aunt Joan passed away one week to the day after Dad, and her funeral was today, one week after Dad's. The oldest and youngest sibling passed in one week's time.  Aunt Joan was not well at Dad's service, but her girls told me today she was bound and determined to make it to Dad's funeral, and she did. Mallaneys are stubborn. Mallaneys are tough. Her service was beautiful, her son gave a wonderful memorial, it was lovely, a grand tribute. A sad day to be sure, but how lovely it is that you can see bits of her in her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren; her beautiful, quick smile and gorgeous eyes, and her warm and welcoming ways. 

Dad, in his dementia, seeking his family, often asked, "Where are the little kids?" Well one of those little kids was Aunt Joan. They are together now.

Not much else. Still getting used to the new normal. It was weird to be in the car heading to Coal City without Bernie! Mom, to my delight, stole Dad's line and said "Look at how big that field is! You can't see the end of it!" LOL We all had a laugh in our sadness. Some funny Dad stories at the dinner today too. I guess that is how you get through sadness. One of my good friends lost her Dad, and when I was going through the line at the wake, after I had seen him in all the pictures, I told her that I was very sad and sorry that he was gone, but almost every time I thought of him, I ended up laughing. That happens a lot when I think of Dad. I think that is a good way to be remembered.

Anyway . . . . John and I went to Starved Rock this weekend and saw some Eagles on the river. Sunshine and fresh air is always good for whatever ails you!

One last thing . . . after Dad's funeral dinner (delicious! thanks Mar!) we were lucky to have some leftovers, including roast beef and some delicious breads (pumpkin - yum!). Well, while I was at John's this weekend, Joe apparently made a roast beef sandwich . . . on pumpkin bread! LOL  He thought it was whole wheat bread! LOL  And yes, he finished it!

Kay :)

The Day After

Dad's funeral was so nice.  It was good to see the family, all the cousins and my aunts and uncles and friends. It really does make you feel so much better. The hoar frost was beautiful, and the sun came out. It was wicked cold though! I think some of the smaller cousins got a little hypothermic during the color guard and taps. Luckily there was plenty of food (including the beloved Mallaney fried chicken!) to warm everyone up, thanks to Mar. She took care of everything to do with the food, we didn't have to give it a thought, and her lovely sisters brought it over and gosh it is good to have friends like that.

Cousins Bobby and Denny spoke of Dad and it was lovely. They knew him before I did, back before he knew mom even. Denny is older. :)

When I remember Dad, at least what pops into my head most often these last few days . . .

How Mom took such good care of Dad. It was because of Mom that we had Dad at home since the dementia. Love is patient, love is kind. Love is work sometimes! LOL 

How Dad, in his 80's, went to the top of Starved Rock (and mom and Joe couldn't make it)!

How Dad would lie on the floor to watch TV or read the paper, or just snooze, and he could get up by pushing himself to both knees, then standing right up, not leaning on anything! Try it . . . and then remember to try it again when you are in your 80's! LOL

His hatred for the Cubs. I'm not sure what he enjoyed more . . . rooting against the Cubs or rooting for the White Sox!

His love for family, kitties, Notre Dame, fried chicken, beer, "scrimp", and french silk pie.

How much fun he had down at the bars with his buddies. And how lucky he was! He was always winning a raffle or a prize on the tip board. I drank a lot of beer Bernie won! LOL

How much he loved to take rides and go visiting, and never mind if no one was home! He would raid refrigerators and gardens and candy dishes and leave his calling card if no one was home . . . an empty beer can and candy wrappers! LOL  And he brought home lots of pilfered garden produce! LOL Thanks Uncle George!

How strong his faith was. He would say a deck of the rosary for any family or friend who needed it.

How he and Mom would always be on front porch, waving goodbye whenever one of us hit the road!


How Dad carried two full 5-gallon buckets of rain water out to the garden for me, in his 80's! That is heavy folks.

How one time Mom got Dad new jeans for work, and they were a different cut, and Dad came home from work and told mom he would not wear those jeans again! Mom asked him why and Dad replied, "All the guys called me John Revolta!" 

All the talks we had on our rides, by the old farm, down to the river to watch for a barge and feed the "pigeons", and driving through the cemeteries. Dad loved it.

And one more time . . . beer! I think my love of beer is genetic. I got it from Bernie!

I don't know what I will write about on here now, without the Exploits of Bernie! Gosh.

Dad's dementia was no fun, I will not lie, but Dad came around, he eventually recognized us as family again, and there were still good times to be had and we had them! I have lot of good memories of the last couple of years. Life is good even when it isn't perfect.

It's fun to think of dad back with "the gang", his brothers and beloved cousin, Robert, and his folks and sisters.

I can't believe the funeral was just yesterday!

That's all for now.

Kay :)

Dad

Dad 12/12/19 - 01/10/2015. Rest in peace Bernie.

Bernie

We got a call Saturday night that Dad was going to be transferred from rehab back to the hospital. The pneumonia was back. It's been all downhill from there. He started having trouble swallowing and I think his body is just worn out. Yesterday Dad was transferred back to the rehab center, and is now under hospice care. He has remained unresponsive for the past couple of days. Mom spent a lot of time with Dad today and met with the hospice caseworker.

I just left him, he is resting comfortably. He had a tiny smile on his face and seems very peaceful. He is definitely closer to heaven today than he was yesterday.

When I walked back into Park Pointe today I couldn't help but remember New Years Eve.  It was before the pneumonia came back. Mom and I went to visit Dad and we couldn't find him at first. Seems he was down at a New Year's Eve Party. We walked down there to find him enjoying chocolate candy and drinking a beer and enjoying the live music! LOL  We had a fun visit that day.

Later on New Year's Eve I was going to my friend's house for a small party. I didn't want to drink too much, wanted to be home early, so I decided I would take 4 beers with me. That would be plenty. And I remembered seeing an open 12-pack of Busch in the shed. I figured I would just use that up instead of buying anything else.

At the party, after I finished my 5 beers (oops how did that extra beer get in there!?), I resisted my friends' urgings to have "just one more", sticking to my self imposed limit (sort of), and telling them that I wanted to get home safely and didn't want to get pulled over or anything. 

Fast forward to this a.m. . . . I reached down to relocate that 12-pack box, it still had a couple of cans in it, and I'll be darned if I didn't ration my beer intake on New Year's Eve with the non-alcoholic beer I bought Bernie to take to the reunion in August! LOL  I told Dad that story tonight too, I know he would get a kick out of it.

I guess I'm lucky I made it this far in my life without going through anything like this. Lots of my friends have already been through it with both of their parents!

Things sure change fast. I have a pile of things here I was laying by for when Dad was able to come home from rehab! ARGHHHHH

That's all for now.

Kay :)