Bernie tidbits . . .
Dad watching “cowboys” on AMC with mom on Saturday . . . and keep in mind Dad watches hours and hours and hours of TV . . .
Dad: “One thing I never did was watch much TV during the day. When you are a hired man you can’t do that. This movie is kind of sad.”
Mom: “Yes, it is. It’s a very good movie.”
Dad: “I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie at the show.” (Dad has NEVER been to the movies in my memory lol).
Mom, giggling: “Do you want to go?”
Dad: “Yeah, I’d like to see a good cowboy movie.”
Dad: “I don’t have to take a shower today, do I?”
Mom: “Oh yes! We are going to church tonight. And clean clothes too!”
Kay: “You know what they say Bernard!”
Dad: “What?” and then sotto voce to Mom, “She sure has good ears!” Then brushing quite a few crumbs off his belly and lap, and scratching at some other goodies with his fingernail, "I can just wear these clothes. I don't have to change!"
Kay: “Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Plus you want to be all freshened up for the big anniversary tomorrow, don’t you?”
Poor Dad, muttering/whining: “She hears everything I say! Don’t pick on me! I won’t be around much longer. This is like being in the army, having to take a shower! I just don’t like taking a shower in the winter! I hope I die in the summer . . . “
Mom: “Well you might want to stick around through the fall too. Fall is pretty nice”
Kay: “Yeah Dad, think that over. And what happened in the army Dad? Did they have to like hose you down every few days or something?! And if you think your number is going to be up before church tonight you can skip your shower prolly. Maybe.”
Dad: “I don’t hear you anymore.”
LOLOL
Dad to Mom during the last snow . . .
Dad: “Are you going to the store? Do you want this $20 bill to go get some round steak for supper?” This is the same $20 bill he got for his birthday from his lovely brother. Who shall STILL remain nameless . . .
Mom: “No, I’m not going out in this weather.”
Kay: “Hand it over Dad, I’ll go get you some beef.”
Dad, putting $20 back in pocket, “I can’t hear you . . . and I won’t get any change back!”
I am very used to being called “Kay Joe John”, and the other night on a ride, Dad said, “I like the ride even though there isn’t much to see in the winter Kay . . . Monica . . . Jean . . . Norene . . . Joan . . . “ LOL All 5 of his sisters! Then he giggled. LOL
Enough Bernie.
I bought a new car! Well it was in 2010. This is how it went down . . .
Took my old car in for an oil change and other maintenance, ended up that I needed new brakes, new tires, some maintenance, yada yada yada. This was right about the time Toyota was having major difficulties selling cars. I was mulling over my huge potential bill when, all of a sudden, I hear someone ask, “Do you have any financing specials right now.” It was me! Boom . . . out to showroom. Rejected one salesman because he annoyed me (he smiled too much), lined the rest up, liked one of them. Nice smile. Didn’t talk too much. I named a ridiculously low price for new car. Named a ridiculously high price for my trade-in. Boom. Bought a new car.
Salesman: “And what color do you like?”
Kay: “I love the green!”
Salesman: “So green it is!”
Kay: “Well no, I never buy the color I really want. It would be a lemon for sure! Do you have a red one?”
Salesman: “You mean just like you have now?”
Kay: “Yes.”
I knew I would never hear the end of it from the fam. My family drives cars til they die! I would hear . . . Kay bought a new car when there was nothing wrong with her old one! . . . Kay wastes her money! . . . I don’t know what will become of her in her old age . . . Can she afford that? What was she thinking . . . Remember when she bought that bike and rode it once . . . blah blah blah blah blah yada yada yada. I wasn’t in the mood for that. So I bought a new car and no one knew. Except for maybe the 5 people I told. Bought it, paid in off in a few months, and kept my secret. Except that I knew there was absolutely no way John would NOT notice a new car. There were a few slight differences. Like the upholstery, tail lights, antenna, a button on steering wheel, the remote start in window, just little stuff like that. The smell. The impossibly clean windshield and carpet. And the absence of scrapes, dings, and dents. So for the next several times John and I went anywhere together, I suggested we take his car. Just biding my time until some of the newness went away. Thereafter I just kept the odometer on the “trip” setting. I thought he might notice the mileage on the little oil change sticker in the window. But no. Nothing. He made the occasional comment, like “I never noticed that button on your steering wheel before” and “I never noticed that thing (remote start) in the window” . . . stuff like that. I just responded, “Huh, weird” or something like that. Now we will fast forward to March, 2014.
John and I are in the (now old) new car. John comments that the new model Rav 4 looks a lot different. I laugh and say “Yeah, I won’t be able to get a new car now, the Rav 4 looks totally different.” Oops. John looks baffled, I laugh, I explain, I laugh. John looks incredulous. He really can’t believe that he didn’t notice that I got a new car. And he is incredulous that I kept a secret for that long! That really is miraculous, honestly! I tell him how many times Mar and I have giggled about him not noticing that I got a new car! LOL Pretty funny. And I think he is still stunned about it! In fact I’m sure of it!
The end.
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